My thoughts do wonder....

I could not help but think of the orphans that I have met and the millions that I have not........living in the orphanages during Christmas time. It made me cry.

   It made me think how I don't appreciate the simple things I have in my life. We here in America forget or don't even know the struggles other areas of the world live with. I just wish.............yes I wish I could have each child in the world to knwo what unconditional love is.

  I would love to have their tummies filled and clothes that keep them warm if they are cold. I would love that they all have healthy mommy and daddies that love them.

I know.............it is not realistic.............but is my hope in my life time.

      My dream would be some time to work in orphanages through out the world.  To help out where they need me and most of all to share the love of Christ not by word but by action.............yes that would be my dream.  I would love doing that than any world trip or vacation...........it to me is where the beauty is at in the world............it truly is..
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I have been told my kids............stop posting things of facebook that are personal............so I am going to do it on my blog.  A place where I can share in my words what life is like having five beautful children while aching for more.  I know I am crazy.  I am 46 years old and I still want to be a mom to more children.  I don't think it is actual craziness as much as a calling.........a mission..........and natural feeling of wanting to love and provide love to the unforgotten and foresaken.  It is not to fill an empty need but to give a home to a child that yes............it only took a picture, diagnosis to say...........he is mine and my heart aches for him.  Many ask......."How did you know?"............my only true answer is God brings that knowledge to your soul and feel the need to go get your child and bring your baby........no matter the age.  I think if you have never experienced that then that is when it can come confusing.  My first experience was with Sierra.............I knew she was ours.........even when Mike question.............I knew this little will sit on my lap; she will laugh with us; she will sing with us; she will be called our daughter.  It is so deep and so real that everyone who tells you are crazy or ends your friendship with you because of the decision or calling............well they do not matter because the pull is so much bigger that either they will join you with God or they will see in the end the power of God and will know it is and always bigger than seeing a face in a picture.............it is seeing the face of your child and knowing.............deeply knowing..........those little feet will be in this home..........someday.....when God's timing is just right...........Because NOTHING can come inbetween the plan of God....

Wow it has been a long time since we post!!!  I guess it has been crazy and I have been using Facebook way too much to keep people updated.  The girls are in 4 th Grade now!!!!  That in it self amazes me!!!  I cannot believe it.............time is going by too fast but of course I know this because I see how my older children are adults now and it just seems like yesterday that each of them were in 4th grade............well at least to me it appears that way. 

Savannah and Sierra have been taking ballet classes at Peoria Ballet and will be in the Nutcracker in December.  They are both very excited about it.  The practices have been draining but they are having fun........in a couple weeks they will be practicing every night...well after Thanksgiving they will..:).  Savannah loves ballet and Sierra loves jazz. 

Billy continues to work at Krogers and he is complemented all the time of how hard he works.  It amazes how much of a true, caring and real person he has become.  I truly enjoy being with him and listening to his words of wisdom.  He is truly a gift from God.

Corey and Anne continue to be very busy people.  Anne graduated from nursing through St. Francis and is currently working for them full time.  Corey continues to work at the law firm and is going to school full time to finish getting his associates in Computers.  He will continue on to get his bacholers.  He is so super busy.........we barley see either one of them. 

Brandon continues to be working very hard with two job, and getting his masters at St. Thomas University in St. Paul MN.  He is also dating a beautiful woman name Kelsey.  We truly enjoy her.  We also love her family.  Her youngest sister Kenzie has our hearts for sure!!!  We are hoping that maybe they can make it down after Thanksgiving to see our local Lighted Display in East Peoria IL.  I guess we will have to wait to see if they can make it.  I know Kenzie would love it!!! 

I do need to do this blog more often.  I think Facebook makes it easier but I love to have a blog to go back to with out all the other stuff......Well this month is Adoption Awareness Month...........I pray all who stumble on my blog will take the time to pray for the orphans of the world............one might be your daughter so son........just pray so they all can have a foever family and remain safe while they are waiting....:)

What it means to be adopted.........

Post surgery visit to Dr Elwood

Well, it has been a few weeks and Doctor Elwood wanted to see Savannah again to see how she is doing and he is happy with her healing.  Told us to keep it moist so it won't dry out.  He is such a humble man that even when we kept praising him he would not even shutter a movement.  I do believe he has God skilled hands.  I mean the man did something wonderful for a little girl who lived too long with a facial deformity and became strong with it.  It amazes me how those people who struggle the most in life are the ones who usually stand out the strongest.  It amazes me when people forget where these strong people came from.  I will promise you as I look at my beautiful daughter I will forever rmember how she became strong and how she had to learn early on what it means to have pain.......physical and emotional but to keep her head up high and be proud of who she is.

Sunday of delight

It was wonderful to go to Mass this morning because Billy was finally with us again.  He works so much that usually is not able to attend.  It was neat to see how even the family of St. Ann just light up because Billy was back.  After church we went to get him fitted for his tux.  Wow is he going to look sharp!!!  His girlfriend Alex went with us.  I am glad because if she did not make the decision then we would of been there a long time.  Billy just did not care as long as Alex was happy.........super sweet!!  I know if she was not there I probably have him dressing in a tux that should of came out of the 80s...:)...

Mike has been working very hard to get the bathroom done down stairs.  All we need to do now is wait for the grout to dry and then we can install the bathtub, toilet, sink, and then door!!!!  I will be so glad to get that done.  Next will be to paint the family/playroom.  After that we need to find some permant flooring.......yes I am still looking on Craigslist...........my entire new basement will be done by Craigslist.  I wish there was a contest because I think we would win it!!  I love to find bargins!!  It can be in anything and I get a high off of it.   After we get the basement done we will be painting the rest of the house beginning with the main level.  Believe it or not I have the colors already picked out.  No we do not buy our paint off of Craigslist.  I will not go that way with paint.

I worked hard on getting the workshops assigned for me on the China Mission trip done yesterday.   After I started it followed easily.  I do give that grace from God.  I am so thankful that he is trusting me on this journey.  I just wish I had that much faith in myself.......but that is where he comes in.  So glad about that.  To think I could do a journey like this without him is just crazy.  I remember when I was little I struggled in school.  I struggled having friends.  I struggled even who I was....still struggling on that.   Anyway I think it is amazing how God took those struggles and made them into my deep love of children especially the forgotten, alone, and those in pain.  It really has liften much of that old pain and given me so much compassion for others.  I think God is great about that.   

Only God take such darkness and light the world of others!!

Time has gone by too fast...

We have been very busy family since I last post........One big thing is Savannah had her cleft lip/nose surgery.  Inspite of the picture with Brandon she is very happy with her new smile.  She had more difficult time with this surgery.  It was more painful and the medicine made her "out of it".  She has bounced back and is very smiley funny girl as always. 

At the beginning of April we went up to Minnesota to visit Brandon and to go to the Mall of America.  It was a great weekend with my sister, Chris and my niece and nephew, Nadya and Alek.  The girls enjoyed going on the rides in the middle of the mall...........it was Savannah's first time and her face said all!!  The last ride she went on was the swing and she came off that saying..."I will NEVER ride that again!!"  I just giggled. 

I don't know if you remember but Savannah had a difficult time driving when we were in China and for a while after we got home.  Well, she made it up to Minnesota and back with no issues!!  She actually did better than her sister.  No complaining and just enjoyed the toys, music, videos and games on the way up and back.  So glad because when we head up to Door County this summer it will just as long if not longer ride!!

Well in three weeks my baby boy........yes I still call him that even though he is 18.  He is an adult and his own person but in my brain...he is still...well if you are a mom you will understand.  Anyway in three weeks he will take the walk across the stage to be given his high school diploma.  Yes, he is already in College but because he graduated mid year he is still given the option of walking and I am so glad that he is doing that!!!!  Next weekend Billy is also going to his first prom.  He is going with his girlfriend Alex to Norte Dame prom.  I promise to have pictures to show you later!!

Well, I learned a hard lesson for myself since the last time I have posted.  It is hard to swallow and it saddens me too.  I know that we all have our crosses but I thought mine were mainly outside of myself.  I don't mean I am perfect but I never thought of my sins as crosses but things I did wrong and needed to ask for forgiveness for.  This new realization goes very deep and it causes me to sin in a way I hate and see the ugliness in myself.  A cross that does affect who I am and who I don't want to be.  This cross because I did not want to carry it anymore took my family down an ugly road the last few weeks.  So ugly that I realize now I cannot ever put this cross down again.  I cannot think it will go away.  I cannot think I am ok...I am cool......I can do this.......BECAUSE I cannot and I praise God for the wisdom of those in my life that have such love that they don't walk away......... they look at me.......straight in my eyes and tell me........STOP.  It is those people I am thankful for.  It is those people I cannot live one day without because I would not be me without them......not the me I am today.  So thank you.......and you know who you are!!  Love ya and I am sorry for all the crap you had to go through to get it through my thick skull that you only care....just care and love!!!