I will always love you...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jr8tffNHJno

A new journey....but saying good bye is VERY hard..

Well, after 13 years working in special education in the public school system, I have made the hard and very sad decision to move to another area of my career in Occupational Therapy.  I have felt the call from God for many years.  I would say every year this will be my last year but still remain.  I remained for many reasons and the biggest one is the kids......I would call them my kids..  I guess when God wants something he will do whatever he needs to do to have you move on to what he is calling you to do.  Life this last year has been very difficult in my career and in my home financially.  I don't usually talk about that because I find it to be very personal.  I work hard to be the best COTA that I can be and I so love working with the kids.  I work hard to keep our finances up and stable but there was just never enough money.   With the medical bills and other bills adding up well it took us financially to an ugly place.  So with the both of them together, God had me on rock bottom.  He had me where I thought it was an ugly place but for God.........it was to be beautiful.   As Christmas break began I knew he was calling me to make the change.  I had the right people with the right words come to me and tell me it was time.  I had such support from people that I would call friends but not close friends.  I do call them close in my heart now though.  All three of them guided me to make this horrific and sad decision to say good bye to working the children and to move on to working in another area of occupational therapy that I love just as much......Nursing Homes....aka SNF.  I have been doing PRN (which means when ever a nursing home needed me they would call)  and I knew how much I loved it.  I would work a full day at the school and then go to the nursing home and be so excited and so lifted.  I think I could have done another 8 hours.  Well, I am excited about the new path God has finally got me on..after I have fought him for years.  I know financially it will take Mike and I to a place that we have never known about.  We will have savings and we will have the extra money for the fun we want to do and most importantly...........all of our bills will be paid and paid on time!!!  It will give me the change to grown in the area of geriatrics and to build my ability to work in the area of occupational therapy.  I can promise my life in children is not completely done.  I will continue to work very heavy in the adoption world.  I hope I can return again this summer to work for another company by providing Occupational Therapy training and just loving on the kids.  So....as I begin this new area of my life........I am thankful for my time in Peds Occupational Therapy because I truly believe it is where my heart fell into international adoption and where my heart fell for the children who are physically involved but still have the special and true spirit that can teach us all the meaning of love.

Thoughts of this moring.......

Today my sweet puppy wakes me up early.  Yes, I hope to sleep in on my last Saturday off prior to end of Christmas break but since I am awake I thought I would a put thoughts down.

In the last 9 years our life has changed through the wonders of adoption.  I know I talk about that much but in that I have seen the power of God at work.  The power is amazing.  It happened in our family and I have the joy to continue to watch it in other families.  I do think it helps me understand more and more how much God loves his world.  People have wondered through all the negative, evil, and hate in the last 9 years how can you really believe that...........where is God in that.  I just wish for anyone who question if there is a God or anyone who questions God's ability to follow along with some of my adoption friends to find the power there.  To find the only power that allow such things to happen when and how they happen.  BUT even I question sometimes the power and wonder of God.  I even wonder can He really do this.........is He really involved in this............but then I read and find out more and know only God with a smile.

To say I am thankful for God in my life at this moment is an understatement.  I lack much but I am given what I need when I need it by God.  People say to me that I don't give myself enough credit......and I cannot because I know with out God I would not have done/been/experienced/able to without the power and love of God.  Does that sound like I have low self esteem........I guess so but I also know any good or confidence I get is from God.   That is where my esteem comes from God esteem.....there I cannot get over confident and self righteous.  Well.............I can get that way but God has a way of letting me remember where I get my gifts from and to be honest the only way I want to live.

Hopeful for 2013...

Well, I am excited tonight.  Yes, I love the start of a new year because it shows how we can begin again.  I am excited because there might be something big happening with Sierra's orphanage.  I would love to share but right now I need a prayers that God will guide it along.....

I am also excited because I just feel that there will be many changes going on in my life and my family's lives during the 2013 year.  I do feel it will be good..or at least I am praying it is so.  When things begin to happen I will announce them.

Well I pray that this year more children will be adopted throught out the world then who was adopted in 2012.  I pray that Russia reopens it doors to adoption to the United States so families can be reunited with their children.

I do hope that in the summer of 2013 that I can return to China to once again help the forgotten and foresaken children of China.  But I am willing to wait and let God make the choice for me but I am saying............I do hope it is His will!!!

 

My thoughts do wonder....

I could not help but think of the orphans that I have met and the millions that I have not........living in the orphanages during Christmas time. It made me cry.

   It made me think how I don't appreciate the simple things I have in my life. We here in America forget or don't even know the struggles other areas of the world live with. I just wish.............yes I wish I could have each child in the world to knwo what unconditional love is.

  I would love to have their tummies filled and clothes that keep them warm if they are cold. I would love that they all have healthy mommy and daddies that love them.

I know.............it is not realistic.............but is my hope in my life time.

      My dream would be some time to work in orphanages through out the world.  To help out where they need me and most of all to share the love of Christ not by word but by action.............yes that would be my dream.  I would love doing that than any world trip or vacation...........it to me is where the beauty is at in the world............it truly is..
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I have been told my kids............stop posting things of facebook that are personal............so I am going to do it on my blog.  A place where I can share in my words what life is like having five beautful children while aching for more.  I know I am crazy.  I am 46 years old and I still want to be a mom to more children.  I don't think it is actual craziness as much as a calling.........a mission..........and natural feeling of wanting to love and provide love to the unforgotten and foresaken.  It is not to fill an empty need but to give a home to a child that yes............it only took a picture, diagnosis to say...........he is mine and my heart aches for him.  Many ask......."How did you know?"............my only true answer is God brings that knowledge to your soul and feel the need to go get your child and bring your baby........no matter the age.  I think if you have never experienced that then that is when it can come confusing.  My first experience was with Sierra.............I knew she was ours.........even when Mike question.............I knew this little will sit on my lap; she will laugh with us; she will sing with us; she will be called our daughter.  It is so deep and so real that everyone who tells you are crazy or ends your friendship with you because of the decision or calling............well they do not matter because the pull is so much bigger that either they will join you with God or they will see in the end the power of God and will know it is and always bigger than seeing a face in a picture.............it is seeing the face of your child and knowing.............deeply knowing..........those little feet will be in this home..........someday.....when God's timing is just right...........Because NOTHING can come inbetween the plan of God....

Wow it has been a long time since we post!!!  I guess it has been crazy and I have been using Facebook way too much to keep people updated.  The girls are in 4 th Grade now!!!!  That in it self amazes me!!!  I cannot believe it.............time is going by too fast but of course I know this because I see how my older children are adults now and it just seems like yesterday that each of them were in 4th grade............well at least to me it appears that way. 

Savannah and Sierra have been taking ballet classes at Peoria Ballet and will be in the Nutcracker in December.  They are both very excited about it.  The practices have been draining but they are having fun........in a couple weeks they will be practicing every night...well after Thanksgiving they will..:).  Savannah loves ballet and Sierra loves jazz. 

Billy continues to work at Krogers and he is complemented all the time of how hard he works.  It amazes how much of a true, caring and real person he has become.  I truly enjoy being with him and listening to his words of wisdom.  He is truly a gift from God.

Corey and Anne continue to be very busy people.  Anne graduated from nursing through St. Francis and is currently working for them full time.  Corey continues to work at the law firm and is going to school full time to finish getting his associates in Computers.  He will continue on to get his bacholers.  He is so super busy.........we barley see either one of them. 

Brandon continues to be working very hard with two job, and getting his masters at St. Thomas University in St. Paul MN.  He is also dating a beautiful woman name Kelsey.  We truly enjoy her.  We also love her family.  Her youngest sister Kenzie has our hearts for sure!!!  We are hoping that maybe they can make it down after Thanksgiving to see our local Lighted Display in East Peoria IL.  I guess we will have to wait to see if they can make it.  I know Kenzie would love it!!! 

I do need to do this blog more often.  I think Facebook makes it easier but I love to have a blog to go back to with out all the other stuff......Well this month is Adoption Awareness Month...........I pray all who stumble on my blog will take the time to pray for the orphans of the world............one might be your daughter so son........just pray so they all can have a foever family and remain safe while they are waiting....:)