Hopeful for 2013...

Well, I am excited tonight.  Yes, I love the start of a new year because it shows how we can begin again.  I am excited because there might be something big happening with Sierra's orphanage.  I would love to share but right now I need a prayers that God will guide it along.....

I am also excited because I just feel that there will be many changes going on in my life and my family's lives during the 2013 year.  I do feel it will be good..or at least I am praying it is so.  When things begin to happen I will announce them.

Well I pray that this year more children will be adopted throught out the world then who was adopted in 2012.  I pray that Russia reopens it doors to adoption to the United States so families can be reunited with their children.

I do hope that in the summer of 2013 that I can return to China to once again help the forgotten and foresaken children of China.  But I am willing to wait and let God make the choice for me but I am saying............I do hope it is His will!!!

 

My thoughts do wonder....

I could not help but think of the orphans that I have met and the millions that I have not........living in the orphanages during Christmas time. It made me cry.

   It made me think how I don't appreciate the simple things I have in my life. We here in America forget or don't even know the struggles other areas of the world live with. I just wish.............yes I wish I could have each child in the world to knwo what unconditional love is.

  I would love to have their tummies filled and clothes that keep them warm if they are cold. I would love that they all have healthy mommy and daddies that love them.

I know.............it is not realistic.............but is my hope in my life time.

      My dream would be some time to work in orphanages through out the world.  To help out where they need me and most of all to share the love of Christ not by word but by action.............yes that would be my dream.  I would love doing that than any world trip or vacation...........it to me is where the beauty is at in the world............it truly is..
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I have been told my kids............stop posting things of facebook that are personal............so I am going to do it on my blog.  A place where I can share in my words what life is like having five beautful children while aching for more.  I know I am crazy.  I am 46 years old and I still want to be a mom to more children.  I don't think it is actual craziness as much as a calling.........a mission..........and natural feeling of wanting to love and provide love to the unforgotten and foresaken.  It is not to fill an empty need but to give a home to a child that yes............it only took a picture, diagnosis to say...........he is mine and my heart aches for him.  Many ask......."How did you know?"............my only true answer is God brings that knowledge to your soul and feel the need to go get your child and bring your baby........no matter the age.  I think if you have never experienced that then that is when it can come confusing.  My first experience was with Sierra.............I knew she was ours.........even when Mike question.............I knew this little will sit on my lap; she will laugh with us; she will sing with us; she will be called our daughter.  It is so deep and so real that everyone who tells you are crazy or ends your friendship with you because of the decision or calling............well they do not matter because the pull is so much bigger that either they will join you with God or they will see in the end the power of God and will know it is and always bigger than seeing a face in a picture.............it is seeing the face of your child and knowing.............deeply knowing..........those little feet will be in this home..........someday.....when God's timing is just right...........Because NOTHING can come inbetween the plan of God....

Wow it has been a long time since we post!!!  I guess it has been crazy and I have been using Facebook way too much to keep people updated.  The girls are in 4 th Grade now!!!!  That in it self amazes me!!!  I cannot believe it.............time is going by too fast but of course I know this because I see how my older children are adults now and it just seems like yesterday that each of them were in 4th grade............well at least to me it appears that way. 

Savannah and Sierra have been taking ballet classes at Peoria Ballet and will be in the Nutcracker in December.  They are both very excited about it.  The practices have been draining but they are having fun........in a couple weeks they will be practicing every night...well after Thanksgiving they will..:).  Savannah loves ballet and Sierra loves jazz. 

Billy continues to work at Krogers and he is complemented all the time of how hard he works.  It amazes how much of a true, caring and real person he has become.  I truly enjoy being with him and listening to his words of wisdom.  He is truly a gift from God.

Corey and Anne continue to be very busy people.  Anne graduated from nursing through St. Francis and is currently working for them full time.  Corey continues to work at the law firm and is going to school full time to finish getting his associates in Computers.  He will continue on to get his bacholers.  He is so super busy.........we barley see either one of them. 

Brandon continues to be working very hard with two job, and getting his masters at St. Thomas University in St. Paul MN.  He is also dating a beautiful woman name Kelsey.  We truly enjoy her.  We also love her family.  Her youngest sister Kenzie has our hearts for sure!!!  We are hoping that maybe they can make it down after Thanksgiving to see our local Lighted Display in East Peoria IL.  I guess we will have to wait to see if they can make it.  I know Kenzie would love it!!! 

I do need to do this blog more often.  I think Facebook makes it easier but I love to have a blog to go back to with out all the other stuff......Well this month is Adoption Awareness Month...........I pray all who stumble on my blog will take the time to pray for the orphans of the world............one might be your daughter so son........just pray so they all can have a foever family and remain safe while they are waiting....:)

What it means to be adopted.........

Post surgery visit to Dr Elwood

Well, it has been a few weeks and Doctor Elwood wanted to see Savannah again to see how she is doing and he is happy with her healing.  Told us to keep it moist so it won't dry out.  He is such a humble man that even when we kept praising him he would not even shutter a movement.  I do believe he has God skilled hands.  I mean the man did something wonderful for a little girl who lived too long with a facial deformity and became strong with it.  It amazes me how those people who struggle the most in life are the ones who usually stand out the strongest.  It amazes me when people forget where these strong people came from.  I will promise you as I look at my beautiful daughter I will forever rmember how she became strong and how she had to learn early on what it means to have pain.......physical and emotional but to keep her head up high and be proud of who she is.

Sunday of delight

It was wonderful to go to Mass this morning because Billy was finally with us again.  He works so much that usually is not able to attend.  It was neat to see how even the family of St. Ann just light up because Billy was back.  After church we went to get him fitted for his tux.  Wow is he going to look sharp!!!  His girlfriend Alex went with us.  I am glad because if she did not make the decision then we would of been there a long time.  Billy just did not care as long as Alex was happy.........super sweet!!  I know if she was not there I probably have him dressing in a tux that should of came out of the 80s...:)...

Mike has been working very hard to get the bathroom done down stairs.  All we need to do now is wait for the grout to dry and then we can install the bathtub, toilet, sink, and then door!!!!  I will be so glad to get that done.  Next will be to paint the family/playroom.  After that we need to find some permant flooring.......yes I am still looking on Craigslist...........my entire new basement will be done by Craigslist.  I wish there was a contest because I think we would win it!!  I love to find bargins!!  It can be in anything and I get a high off of it.   After we get the basement done we will be painting the rest of the house beginning with the main level.  Believe it or not I have the colors already picked out.  No we do not buy our paint off of Craigslist.  I will not go that way with paint.

I worked hard on getting the workshops assigned for me on the China Mission trip done yesterday.   After I started it followed easily.  I do give that grace from God.  I am so thankful that he is trusting me on this journey.  I just wish I had that much faith in myself.......but that is where he comes in.  So glad about that.  To think I could do a journey like this without him is just crazy.  I remember when I was little I struggled in school.  I struggled having friends.  I struggled even who I was....still struggling on that.   Anyway I think it is amazing how God took those struggles and made them into my deep love of children especially the forgotten, alone, and those in pain.  It really has liften much of that old pain and given me so much compassion for others.  I think God is great about that.   

Only God take such darkness and light the world of others!!

Time has gone by too fast...

We have been very busy family since I last post........One big thing is Savannah had her cleft lip/nose surgery.  Inspite of the picture with Brandon she is very happy with her new smile.  She had more difficult time with this surgery.  It was more painful and the medicine made her "out of it".  She has bounced back and is very smiley funny girl as always. 

At the beginning of April we went up to Minnesota to visit Brandon and to go to the Mall of America.  It was a great weekend with my sister, Chris and my niece and nephew, Nadya and Alek.  The girls enjoyed going on the rides in the middle of the mall...........it was Savannah's first time and her face said all!!  The last ride she went on was the swing and she came off that saying..."I will NEVER ride that again!!"  I just giggled. 

I don't know if you remember but Savannah had a difficult time driving when we were in China and for a while after we got home.  Well, she made it up to Minnesota and back with no issues!!  She actually did better than her sister.  No complaining and just enjoyed the toys, music, videos and games on the way up and back.  So glad because when we head up to Door County this summer it will just as long if not longer ride!!

Well in three weeks my baby boy........yes I still call him that even though he is 18.  He is an adult and his own person but in my brain...he is still...well if you are a mom you will understand.  Anyway in three weeks he will take the walk across the stage to be given his high school diploma.  Yes, he is already in College but because he graduated mid year he is still given the option of walking and I am so glad that he is doing that!!!!  Next weekend Billy is also going to his first prom.  He is going with his girlfriend Alex to Norte Dame prom.  I promise to have pictures to show you later!!

Well, I learned a hard lesson for myself since the last time I have posted.  It is hard to swallow and it saddens me too.  I know that we all have our crosses but I thought mine were mainly outside of myself.  I don't mean I am perfect but I never thought of my sins as crosses but things I did wrong and needed to ask for forgiveness for.  This new realization goes very deep and it causes me to sin in a way I hate and see the ugliness in myself.  A cross that does affect who I am and who I don't want to be.  This cross because I did not want to carry it anymore took my family down an ugly road the last few weeks.  So ugly that I realize now I cannot ever put this cross down again.  I cannot think it will go away.  I cannot think I am ok...I am cool......I can do this.......BECAUSE I cannot and I praise God for the wisdom of those in my life that have such love that they don't walk away......... they look at me.......straight in my eyes and tell me........STOP.  It is those people I am thankful for.  It is those people I cannot live one day without because I would not be me without them......not the me I am today.  So thank you.......and you know who you are!!  Love ya and I am sorry for all the crap you had to go through to get it through my thick skull that you only care....just care and love!!!

Dream of a life time......

I wanted to let everyone know that the prayers have been answered. A week ago Love Without Boundaries called me to tell me that I was chosen with three other woman to head to China on a Special Education Mission trip. I will be using my Occupational Therapy skills to teach teachers and school staff at an orphanage plus 6 other sites coming to the orphanage to learn new skills to use with the wonderful beautiful children of China. As far as I know I will be going with three other Special Education teachers on this trip. I am amazed how God amazes me over and over and over again. I had always dreamed of going on an OT mission trip but felt it would probably be rehab type training. I NEVER thought it would be the ability and chance to use my special education back ground. I am forever shocked by God's plans in my life. I do feel a wonder if I have the skills they are needing but I trust God's call. God is my confidence for this trip and every area of my life.

It has been a very hard year financially but I would do it again and again if God calls. We are now getting our income tax return in and a month ago found a savings account we forgot about. We have been paying off the bills and sticking to our plans. It feels so nice. When the large income tax refund for the adoption comes in then we will be better than we have been since Sierra was adopted. We are going to start saving and diminishing our debt. I pray that everything remains as planned because it truly the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. Oh it will be a heavy lift off Mike's shoulders too but I am the one who manages it and sometimes it was as if I was attempting to find water in a dried up well. But God kept proving His strength when you are doing His call....I just needed to remain in that Faith until the entire amount comes in...

The girls continue to be dong wonderful. They just love hanging with each other. Today Sierra remained home from school due to some bowl issues. Savannah came home after school to give her a piece of candy that she received from school. What love they have for each other!!!

Well I pray that whoever reads this also is having dreams coming true and the weight of the world......whatever it is......lifted off their shoulders. I pray that whatever life hardship you are plowing through that you remain in God's strength to bring you to the other side. The side where you feel your desires come to light...Blessings!!

After yesterdays rough day, I met with my sisters friends at a local coffee shop as we do every week. We sit together talking, helping and guiding each other through this life of difficulties. Well, yesterday God reach toward me as I sat down to begin our night together.......I heard this song...yes this song......Over the Rainbow going on in the background. I was like no way!! Wow!! Love you God!! You see I don't believe in coincidences. I believe in God reaching to us and us allowing ourselves to feel, hear and allow His touch to absorb our soul. Last night.....just a couple of seconds between talking together I heard it!! I heard God saying....."I have not left. I know it is hard but you are where I want you to be. The rainbow you are searching for is not getting the bills paid......it is not on giving the girls new clothes...it is not in you feeling like a good parent because things look right in my life.....The rainbow is Me." Living in His mercy and hearing His call and doing whatever it is to follow Him......which includes for me right now walking in an uncomfortable place in life to show others what it means to have faith. To believe in Him and that He will bring it all together for His glory. Savannah and Sierra are our daughters and we have been blessed with their connection to each other and how much they love each other. In the adoption world, that kind of connection is not always the outcome of an older adoption. So if our challenges are financial then I will let God help us with that and remain in His glory of the girls and his perfection because..........we actually are in view of His rainbow daily!!!

Adoption debt.....where oh where is our rainbow???

I am so having a difficult time today!! I should say for the last few months........As you read my emotions please know that it is not about either of my daughers. It is not about would I choose it any other way......It is not about well you could of just not done it. It is about the fact my daughters were born in China. It is about God calling me out of my comfort zone. It is about living in the hell part of life to have the rainbow, joy and peace of life. Am I in those states right now....well........right now I know there is a rainbow out there and I know it will come for peace and joy to our finances but not right now.....I am pulling my hair out. Not actually but I feel I cannot get up to the top of the mountain. Oh Mike and I make great money but when I am sending out 1000.00 a month into adoption loans and a son just starting college.......well lets put it this way...I am being choked. Billy is paying for his college but because I was signed up for automatic withdraw from my checking account.......which I was not aware of..........I know I know I should of known. I paid the payment with a check and then they also withdrawn the amount out of my account. Maybe you might think I am whining.....but try to carry the load that Mike and I have carried this last year and you would understand. I am not angry.....just fearful and sadden. I feel I brought Savannah home and she still has to wait to live as a "typical" family lives. She has to ask.....do we have the money for that? She even said I did not want to tell you that my clothes did not fit because I did not know if you had the money mommy. How is that a life? I mean seriously!! I see other adoptive families living in such a wonderful big brick homes taking Disney Vacations just after their adoptions, adopting two kids together and still not struggling. I know....our life is our life but maybe.....maybe the girls would of been better of in a family that was better financially. Yes, I have tears falling down my cheek as I write this because I love my girls and would give them the world..........but I cannot even buy them new pants........we are buying them from the second hand store. I want them to be able to have the life their friends were given when they were adopted. Not a life that a child who has lost so much and given up so much already have to live. When does it ever end..........well ok...I know when that answer is....when we get our income tax refund and my husbands retirement money comes in. It is not fair that my daughters have to wait!!!! I am just so sick of this. I mean Mike has worked since he was 15. He works very hard too. If he is every laid off he gets a part time job to sublement the loss which is legal. I have worked off and on during the time my older two boys were growing up, then went to college and have work for the last 13 years. We had faith and reach out to God's call.............why does His call have to be so hard?? Why does he continue to make children wait when they have waited so long already.........WHY??

Peter looking for a family..

This morning I woke up to this little boy on my Facebook page and my heart melted. I am wanting to post this information on our blog to help him find his family. I truly wish it could be us but with Mike saying we are done and our financial situation I just don't think it will be do able BUT I know there is someone out there that would love to be his family. Please pray with me for them to find him. Please pray with me that whatever God has planned it will inlcude for Peter to find his forever family.........a huge wish that he is wishing for. Do you remember when you were young and you wished for a bike, or a computer game, or a special treat after dinner? This boy has a real valid gift that most of us take advantage of.......a Family! It breaks my heart for him. Please watch his video below and please take time to pray for him and for a family to see how special he really is!!!

Good tmes.....

Well it has been 9 months since we came home with Savannah. I will she is an amazing little girl. I won't deny that with an older child adoption that is hard. With languange barriers, emotional needs, adjustng to a new world her and us...there are challenges. Would do it again........YOU BETCHA!!!

But we just are tapped out and we don't feel we could give the child the best home he/she would deserve. Savannah says......More kids!! Sierra says...No more kids.......and I want to be the baby she always reminds Mike and I. I love her honesty. My heart is so filled for adoption that I am going to help get the word out. I am also looking at helping others already on the international adoption journey with financing by having fund raisers and sending money when we have it. I just think it is important to always give back because gave us so much! It amazes me that there are so many people out there with the love of Christ in them to give to the forgotten children. As far as we are concerned and I think for many parents who adopt, it is actually in our heart from our conception. I believe God had a plan for us and for our children no matter how them became apart of this family........either in a delivery room or in a Civil Affairs office in China. You see I have had people ask me....."What do you think would happen to these girls if you had not adopted them?" My answer is "Well that was not suppose to be. That was never in God's plan." There is a lot of faith when it comes to taking the steps into adoption and one reason I want to give back. I remember thinking...how are we going to pay for this...for both our girls. I remember believing....If is God's will and I have the strength to go through whatever God asks then I will be. It was never easy...NEVER!! I lost two friends during our journey to Sierra. Oh they are my friends now but during her process they actually thought we were crazy and had many opinions that they stated behind our backs about it. Just before we left and after we came home they came up and apologized and realize that Sierra was always ours. You see......I think we even taught others the meaning behind faith.

With Savannah we had a family deviation. Mike and I were very fearful of losing and breaking up our family. I knew God was asking me to move forward but I will tell you I was so scared!! Now that person just adores their sister so much!! And Savannah adores that person too!! Another time God was teaching faith to everyone involved!!

Savannah has had one surgery since she has been home and her other one is scheduled for the end of March. We are all excited because that is when she will receive her new smile. We love her smile now. It just needs so touching up to be even and she DESERVES that!!

We are looking into traveling to MN in April to spend some time with Brandon after Savannah surgery. We are planning on going to the Mall of America and also what I call the Goodwill of America...yes it is AWESOME. I will take pictures and post them so you can all see what I am talking about. We are hoping to volunteer at Brandon's school during lunch and then get some mom needed time with my son...:)

It continues to be good times in the Wanless household with struggles, mountains and burdens to carry but.........still good times with God being the center!!

Rust vs love

This face is the face of love.....it is the reason we are OK about being broke most of the time....it is the reason we decided that materialistic items are less important....it is the reason we have relearn to celebrate holidays.......it is the reason we buy many of our items at second hand store.......it is the reason I proudly have a car with rust on it as you can tell by the pictures below.

You see just recently I got an email from a friend about a man with a brand new car that he cherished but one day a child threw a rock through his side window......when he got out of his car he began yelling at the kid.......the little boy with tears in his eyes he told him about how his brother who was in a wheelchair had accidentally flipped his wheelchair and he could not lift his brother and needed help and knew this was the only way he would get someones attention to help him. The man was so moved he never fixed the dent it left in his side door because it reminded him of that moment that changed him..........the moment that made him realize that love was more important than any materialistic item you can buy.....even those from a thrift store. You see I am a very proud person.........and to have a car with the rust has been bugging me. We bought this car two years ago in hopes to adopt a special little girl and boy through foster care. That was not God's plan but I did not know that. I gave up my GMC Envoy to make this decision for the better of a child........for love of a child. You see until that email I kept thinking I just wish I could have a car with no rust......it is embarrassing to me........yep proud....sadly proud. But now I am driving it around with the correct way to be proud......proud that it is there because it reminds me how much I love my daughter.......how I gave things up for Christ for His glory.........so yes I have rust on my vehicle but more importantly..........I would remain in this vehicle for the importance of any of my children. So if you are like me, and you were touched by God by the wonderfulness of adoption but you are struggling after you come back on your trip to pay bills or you are maxed out and unable to get a new vehicle.........smile because you are letting the world know.........God is calling you to do something for him that might not be what society would follow but it is your calling from Him.........remember Christ hands were "damaged" after his crucifixion BUT would we have it any other way........or more importantly...........He would NOT have it any other way!!

Savannah's second surgery planned and...

We went and visited Dr. Elwood today and found out that Savannah's second surgery is scheduled for March 28th........three days before Easter Break......perfect and give her time to heal so hopefully she can have Easter food this time since she missed Christmas food.......well we actually made an alternate meal and everyone loved it......Taco Soup!!

Also wanted to update everyone on the mittens/gloves......we collect over 200 pairs of gloves to send to Savannah's orphanage!! We are so thankful for everyone who donated. We know that the children at Wuhan CWI will be so appreciative of them!!

Sierra is now going to Dr. Elwood and he feels that she will not need anymore surgeries until maybe if she feels she needs them when she gets older. He also does not feel that she will need a spacer. He does feel we need to visit Dr. DeGise for orthodontic work but surgeries at this point for her is not in the near future!!! She is so happy!!

Please pray........

I am asking for prayers........it is a special prayer in hopes to be apart of a very special mission. No we are not adopting again but it is so similiar and so special I wish I could share it with you all now..........Please just pray for God's will in all this. I know in my heart I am very willing but that God is on the same path and I am not darting off on my own again. As soon as I know more I will promise to update you on what the prayers are for.....trust me God knows!!

Chinese New Year and new pictures that are too cute not to share!!

I think Sierra and Savannah where playing with the camera one morning when they waited for the school bus..........:)

Happy Chinese New Year 2012.........the year of the Dragon!!!!

Update finally..

Well it has been so long and I need to get better at this. I think I use Facebook too much to let the world know how things are but I forget that this is for not just the world but for the family to be able to look back on and remember....so here are the pictures and I hope you love them as much as I do....

Sierra and Savannah were able to climb on the Santa Claus Sled in the Santa Claus Parade in Peoria.........what a way for Savannah to begin her first Christmas!!

Savannah, Sierra and Isaiah decorating our tree........and Isaiah from that day forward attempted to demolish it..........oh what a silly doggy!!

They do love their puppy and their puppy loves his sissies!!

The girls and I got to meet Matthew West (a christian artist that wrote the song Oneless....a song about adoption) at a premier for a movie that was done after a song he wrote about a local boy who touched our home town.......

Getting ready to attend the local FCC (Families with Children from China) group for their annual Christmas party.

She is such a happy girl and I am such a lucky mommy!!

Jenna and Sierra being silly as always!!

My smiley girl!!

We visited my mom's retirement home with our church's youth group and we sang carols with them and sat and played game with them. I know my girls loved it!!

They do love their grandma........even though it looks as if she is attempting to choke them........lol

Sierra with my dad's old Christmas favorite.......it sings Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer

Christmas Eve Mass........tradition getting pictures done by my not so favorite flowers but the girls look beautiful by them.........:)

I am so blessed!! Thank you Jesus!!

The girls with one of their favorite cousins.......Nadya.

Just love the kids!! Billy at top, Sierra, Alek, Nadya, and Savannah

Waiting for Mass to start

We all love Mass when Brandon is home!! Well we love Mass anyway but when Brandon is home it just extra special...

My sister Chris with my fav niece.......Nadya

Father Terry reading his annual book for Christmas as Sierra watches on......

The girls got a box of items from their Aunt Dawn and Uncle Jimmy and what did Savannah do after opening it...........jump inside.........so awesome to see she is just like any other American kid.......:) Sierra jumped in with her too!!

The girls love picking on their brother!!

Brandon's favorite hat.........Green Bay Packers!! Yep from Uncle Jimmy!!

I finally got one of Billy alone.......love it!

Christmas morning...the dogs just opened their Christmas gifts from Santa

Getting ready to go to bed after putting out cookies and milk for Santa...

Christmas morning...........look who is so excited waiting as Sierra wakes up her brothers.......tradition..love them!!

New dance game........Sierra is loving it!!

Socks and Isaiah got matching scarfs from Santa........so cute!

Savannah just after surgery..........she is so brave!!

Father T stopped over for Christmas.....making sure his address is put on Billy new GPS. The man is such a protective uncle!! So thankful for him though!!

The girls help make Grandma's most famous cake......Pineapple Upside Down Cake.........and it turned out so yummy!! This is a tradition we are going to be doing every year from now on!!

Savannah has pig tails!! What a beautiful young lady she is!!!!

Savannah is so excited that we had snow this morning!! She put on all her stuff...hat, scarf and gloves. Asked her if she has these type things in China and she said no with a big smile........she sure loves the snow!!