I have been told my kids............stop posting things of facebook that are personal............so I am going to do it on my blog.  A place where I can share in my words what life is like having five beautful children while aching for more.  I know I am crazy.  I am 46 years old and I still want to be a mom to more children.  I don't think it is actual craziness as much as a calling.........a mission..........and natural feeling of wanting to love and provide love to the unforgotten and foresaken.  It is not to fill an empty need but to give a home to a child that yes............it only took a picture, diagnosis to say...........he is mine and my heart aches for him.  Many ask......."How did you know?"............my only true answer is God brings that knowledge to your soul and feel the need to go get your child and bring your baby........no matter the age.  I think if you have never experienced that then that is when it can come confusing.  My first experience was with Sierra.............I knew she was ours.........even when Mike question.............I knew this little will sit on my lap; she will laugh with us; she will sing with us; she will be called our daughter.  It is so deep and so real that everyone who tells you are crazy or ends your friendship with you because of the decision or calling............well they do not matter because the pull is so much bigger that either they will join you with God or they will see in the end the power of God and will know it is and always bigger than seeing a face in a picture.............it is seeing the face of your child and knowing.............deeply knowing..........those little feet will be in this home..........someday.....when God's timing is just right...........Because NOTHING can come inbetween the plan of God....