First day of the rest of my life...

I love that saying........being the first day of the rest of my life. Truly each morning is just that....another chance to get it right with God. Another chance to tell my husband that I love him. Another chance to connect with my children and remind them how life is so glorious because they are apart of it. I just wish..........things in life and decisions in life would not be so hard. I guess within that hardship is also my connection with God. If it was so easy I probably would not have the faith and hope I have in God. I truly know whatever is eating at me today........he will take care of it......if I would pray and completely let go. I am at a dilemma in my life and thinking God is tapping at my shoulder. Then I wonder if it is God or the fact I just want to run from problems. But I look back and I feel a pull because this pull has been tapping on my shoulders for a while. I guess fear.........which is the opposite of faith and hope.......is powerful. I mean sometimes comfort even in the pain is more acceptable to taking a huge risks. I am so glad to be able to take a step back and pray about it this weekend. To allow God is guide my steps...

Favorites........

Growing up I watched many times favoritism in family, school, neighborhood kids, and many aspects of my life. It still to this day gets under my skin. My kids will say I have favorites......but I truly don't.........truly! I purposely make sure each of my children feel special. I will not say I am perfect but I will not praise up one with out recognizing all of them. I think it is and will always be of my pet peeves to watch people totally ignore or bluntly be rude to someone because they don't "fit" the model of that particular person's view point of being good, like able, or fun. I think we need to attempt to see the good in others. Oh yes, I have people I struggle with and usually it relates back to this or due to behaviors or actions that are hurtful or painful to others.......which relates to favoritism. I think we all enjoy some people easier than others but it is no reason to snub, be short with, or be little someone else. I will admit.......I need to work on some of this myself.......because I am a person who sees it going on and I will return the behavior. Yep.....see not perfect......just wish life is fair......oh yeah...it is not...but to the flip side.......I will forever make sure that I am aware of myself and attempt to make those in my life feel special and not to make others feels less than..........yes......I will forever work on that.

Songs that mean so much and why..

This song has a couple special reasons why it touches my heart....it reminds me of the times my cousin and his wife would come over and we just hung out and had a great time together. The other is the words and how strongly they resemble my life and where I am at now.....pretty powerful.

This song reminds me of those family members that I had to say "See you later"...way too early...this is dedicated to my bestest.......Regina, Caye, Pat, Uncle Sam, Bill, my Dad (and my friend), Judy, and the many more who have touched my life for the better and helped me be who I am today.....

This is for my students.........my wonderful special gifts from God who have each taught me the importance of life and how fast it can be taken away........the ones who can make me smile on those awful days.......the ones who smile could light up the darkest parts of this life....the ones who are called "special" by our society because it is true.........the special ones God has given each us to be reminded of what it meant to be his miracle!!

This song has taught me so much of God's love....even though it appears that evil has won......God has shown his true strength and possibility even when it looks so impossible!! This song is a true song for those who are adopting, those who are facing divorce, those who are at a time in life that they have to tell a love one "I will see you later" even though it seems way too soon.......for those who are struggling with addictions, those who have pain that can appear bigger than any power........because the truth is all these trials in this life....could be blessings in disguise.

This is what I consider "My song" that got me through school, adoption, and any dream I have had in the last 15 years. This song was given to me by my son Brandon when I was in school and I was struggling. I would study 12 hours just for one test. I needed those A's to make me feel I was doing something right. Through God's grace, much prayer and this song plus a few others........God and I made it through college.........and through the adoptions that brought much happiness but many times I questioned......because I knew........How You ever going to know.........if I never chase the dream...........I know now I was not made to be in a box or a sheltered home.........God made me a person to get into the fire.....rely on him..........and answer whatever call he is calling me to even though it might looks scary because when I look over and see him at my side.....I can do anything!!! So why the next song I love so much:

I'd rather be a fool...........then miss the chance of feeling, seeing and knowing God's Graces within the fire.

Norte Dame

Brandon visited Norte Dame this last weekend. It was amazing experience for him. He is beginning to search out colleges to attend to study for his PhD. I was very excited to receive an post card from him stating how his visit went and attempting to figure out God's will for him. He said the campus was beautiful. He was able to attend a football game and meet with the professor that he was interested in studying with. He also stated how wonderful their marching band was. I am just amazed to think back in January 1985 and finding out that I was pregnant with Brandon. I remember feeling very scared and thinking.....can I really give this child a life that would turn out to be much. I was still living at home with my parents. I was dating his bio dad at the time and we had a not so good relationship. Oh we had some happy times but I have to admit they were few and very far between. I knew I wanted to have a baby....no doubt but I wanted to be a good parent that can give everything to my child. It is funny........I had no clue what faith was........I had no clue what hope truly was.......and in the last 26 years...my little miracle who became this wonderful man and myself have shown each other what it means to live in the faith and hope of God. I don't give myself credit for any of it that has come out of our lives....because I know........that if it was not for God then none of the impossibles would of come possible without him. I look at all five of my children and are reminded that each of them are my miricles and gifts that I forever will cherish and be completely thankful for.....and I am so happy that I said yes to my son even though society look at our situation strangely because God........knew that he had a plan....as he always does.

Crazy....but love

Sorry once again it has been way too long since the last time I have updated. Things are crazy as always in our home but I think this is what I know and love........lots of noise and lots of fun and lots of love!!

The girls began school in the same grade but two different classrooms. It is amazing how wonderful and fantastic Savannah is doing. I have to say I have one amazing young lady on my hands. She has learned so much of the English language. She does have times understanding but it is becoming very far and few times that happens. She is having her orthodontist appointment on Wednesday. We went to the surgeon and recommend to see the orthodontist to see if with braces her front gum line will be able to be brought back and put into place ready for the bone graft surgery that will be in her future. We have decided to check out our options near by and then decide on what to do.........stay with Shriners or remove the girls and provide their needs and surgeries close by. We are not sure.

Sierra has been doing well too. She loves school and just loves and adores her sister. They are always together. I attempt to get them to do seperate things once in a while and they don't want to. My fears and thoughts did not come true but Sierra's hopes and wishes have. They love to ride bikes together and put on nail polish. They love to watch movies together. They love to play on the trampoline together and to swing together. They even love to help each other get their chores done. I have to admit.........I wish I had that type of relationship with a sister when I was younger but I think as a mom.........God has given me the better gift by being able to watch my daughters do it.

Now back to my burning heart.......I know I have said I was done adopting but I have to admit.............I wish I could have more children. I just love being a mom and love bringing more children into our family but there is one problem.......my husband is not in agreement with me. I seen a picture and profile of a little girl today that I would love to bring home. She is just adorable!! And then there is Kui whose picture I have down our blog page. They are allowing two children adoptions at the same time now through China....those two kids.........I would love to be their mommy!! I know many think I am crazy............I guess crazy for hearing God's call and knowing that my passion is children.......I can tell if you work with children or if you have the love for children then if you visited the orphanages as I have and have adopted you too would feel the pull to add to your family. I mean..........yep Mike and I need to have our time but........that time is for heaven........while we are healthy and happy........why not give that to another person. It is God's calling for us all. I have to respect Mike's feelings but I will admit that if is God's plan that he changes Mike's heart but if it is not God's plan then I know my calling is to work with God's abandoned children and to help other adopt. I am thinking of having another garage sale to help a friend who is bringing their daughter home. I need to find a place who will house it for us but at least I could be helping her child........even though my heart is for Kui and that special little girl.

Like I said........I'd rather be crazy for God's call..........then be in a box thinking of only in a box while God's call for me is hidden and not used...........